I’ve been on a number of retreats these past few weeks, one for each the past three weekends to be exact. Each time I went in with the same intention. I wanted to know God’s desire in my life, what work He wants me to be doing. The first retreat was great; I received such affirmation in what I have been doing. I received a lot of healing in a relationship that had been strained. But I didn’t receive what I was looking for. The second retreat, I was met with the call to live out my masculinity, and have felt a deep calling to live out that masculine nature, being a source of strength and guidance in the faith, but it still wasn’t what I had been what I was looking for. And finally, for this last retreat, I was able to find freedom in expressing myself in worship, and I felt a strong call to what I had been praying about unceasingly for a while.
Now God finally laid something on my heart after what in retrospect wasn’t all that long a timeframe, and for others it may take longer. But what I have learned from this is how God, even in remaining silent on this, still was walking with me and revealing things to me the whole time. As I look back on each thing that was revealed to me, I can understand why God took His time. First He had to heal my heart from a strained brotherhood, so that I wouldn’t be swayed to do something in order to try force change through radical action. Then He revealed beauty around me and my call to live out my vocation as the man He made me to be. And after those were laid out before me, He was able to show me His will so that I might be able to have peace with it.
Wherever you may be in your own struggle with this silence from God, continue to trust in Him. He is constantly revealing things to you in preparation to answer that big question on your heart.